This place.

Think I’ve fallen in love with NZ again. I fell in love with it once but because it was such a long time since I’ve been back, I forgot what I loved about it. I love how big and beautiful nature is here. I love the air. I love the clearness of the water. But it’s not all rosy - I don’t love the prices in Queenstown. An average meal is like 50pp which is rather ridiculous, even with the conversion back to AUD. I genuinely have questions as to how people survive here on a 50k salary. What do you eat?? Groceries aren’t cheap either. I went into New World and Countdown just cause - and the grocery prices shocked me. Sydney prices are nothing compared to Queenstown! I must have wondered a few times whether I should move here or not during this trip. Do they need health consulting down here? LOL. I doubt it.

It’s my last night here and this trip has been one to remember. My brother is like a little kid sometimes but it’s this exact character that made this trip fun. I never intended to do a helicopter ride, nor the Earnslaw cruise, but because my brother was super eager like the kid he is, we did it. It was costly but it was so worth it. The helicopter ride was just simply memorable. We were so blessed with incredible weather and got to land on the snow caps. It was so worth it. I would do it again in a heartbeat. The Earnslaw cruise was nice - had a bbq buffet which was delicious. I have to say - a few of our meals here were a bit mediocre to say the very least. But this bbq buffet was exactly the hearty food I expected in NZ. Just delicious and soul warming. We drove to Wanaka and Arrowtown too - I showed him all the sights. We walked around Queenstown a lot and went on the gondola, the luge and pretty much went around town. I think Queenstown has been pedestrianised because it looks different to my recollection … I also didn’t realise how much of Queenstown I didn’t explore last time. But I guess there is a reason for that…. Because there were other more interesting things to do that time hahhaha.

I loved this trip. I understand why people keep coming back because I’m already planning my next visit. I think perhaps a spring or autumn trip would be nice. But summer here is just gorgeous. I loved the sun setting at 10pm and rising at 6am. It felt like I just had so much time at my disposal. I’ll be back NZ. I still want to do a road trip all around the South Island. I would love to hike and see the views. I just can’t get enough of nature here. I guess I’m a nature girl lol.

I’m flying home on Monday. Back to the Sydney big smoke I go. This trip has made me reevaluate what matters to me - and what matters is experiences in life. It is the “I’ll try anything once” mentality that I have now that is really bringing me a lot of joy and happiness. It’s the let’s just do it because what do we have to lose? Nothing. Even if I get rejected by anything, at least I still gave it a shot. I feel like I’m finally having some more wisdom at the grand old age of 30. Finally.

I’m exhausted tho. Travelling is incredibly tiring. I’m going to bed now. Bye world.

Waiting forever.

New Odesza was released yesterday - on my birthday. I suppose that was their present for me lol. Waiting Forever is my favourite off the album, it’s on repeat for me right now. Well, since I’ve been listening to it. It’s so good. Undone is also incredible as well. I guess Odesza can’t do wrong.

I’m loving Queenstown in winter. It’s so cold but I luckily prepared a lot with buying thermals and puffer jackets, so even though it’s cold, I’m still quite warm compared to when I’m in Australia… cause I never layer properly at home, although I think I should because it really keeps you so warm.

I love being in the elements of NZ. It’s really such a beautiful place. And I swear that the colours of NZ are different to that of Australia. Could it be due to the country being at a lower latitude, so that the light diffracts differently? The colours are so much more vivid here and so much more dreamy. It’s never like that in Sydney. The colours in Sydney are much sharper but here there’s a pastel quality to it. I think I’m happiest in nature. I would much rather go on a hike these days and I think its because being in nature is so grounding and I need that in life.

No filters for all the photos. It really is just that beautiful. My soul feels rejuvenated. I’m happy.

Queenstown

Oh Queenstown, how are you even more beautiful than I remember?

Quiet moment.

I seem to write a lot around my birthday - but I guess that’s cause birthdays are always contemplative times for me. I have written blogs ever since I was 12. It started with MSN spaces, which I really loved cause it was connected to your MSN messenger and hotmail. I then moved to using blogger and a livejournal, which I curated from the time between 2007 - 2009. I gave up on livejournal eventually and moved over to another blogger blog. I guess writing has been a thing I’ve done ever since I was a kid. I kept diaries from when I was 8 or something. A teacher at Chinese School told us how writers kept diaries so they would understand their growth, and I was really attracted to that thought…. Wouldn’t it be nice to have something I wrote that was all mine? And so my love affair with writing diaries began at quite an early age. My blogger blogs are still online on the interwebs - and I still go have a read of them every now and then. I gain an insight into the person I was, all those years ago. I wrote this 15 years ago, when I was on the brink of turning 15.

It's nearly my 15th Birthday and wow, it's been a fast year. Last year this time, I was stuck in Hong Kong, trying my best to get out of that place as fast as I could. But now, for this year, I'm in Australia for these winter holidays, appreciating the time I have for myself and enjoying the sensation of this coldness of winter (Not that I like the cold, but really, it's a good change from the hot and stinking summers).

In a way, I still write like that. But I guess what’s incredible is seeing what type of mindset I was in back then and reading about the things that were bothering me - which was mainly school work, friendship dramas and wishing that I could go to NYC and study fashion.

I’m a little shocked to think that I am actually going to be 30 tomorrow. How did that happen? I remember all my birthdays, although I completely forgot 2021’s birthday because it was probably spent in lockdown… but I remember the flavours of all my birthdays. I remember not being able to wait to turn 15, and suddenly I’m 30.

How would I describe my 20s? Unexpected. Full of learning. Introspection. Understanding.

I remember when I turned 20 and I felt like the world was my oyster. I was very optimistic and felt like was a grown ass adult. In fact, I was still just a little naive baby back then. But I was really enjoying how I could do so many things that I always yearned to do - like go to bars with friends, buy things I wanted, be responsible and have a job. It made me feel so adult. It was the year when I got into a relationship with my first boyfriend and so having a boyfriend felt really thrilling as well. Between the ages of 20 - 24, I was very much focused on my career. I went back to uni for a second time at 22/23, then dove head first into the corporate world, albeit focused in health. It’s funny how I have worked in other professions for longer than I have ever been a physio. But physio really made a mark on me and shaped me with who I became.

25 was a pivotal year. I remember giving myself goals at 25 and thinking I would tick them all off by 30, which I am turning tomorrow. But I didn’t do any of them. Perhaps this is my learning that life isn’t really a tick box, cause… The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.

Life happens when it has to happen. And the best thing to do is to stop fighting was is happening but go with the flow. Because life is meant to be magical. The more I think about it, the more magic I feel with life… because honestly, I’ll have a longer time of being dead than being alive. So perhaps there is a reason as to why I am here the time I am here. I could have been born in 2000BC but somehow I am right here, right now. So I’m not fighting the reasons for my existence here and I do believe that even though I don’t understand what the point of my life is sometimes, it will make sense. And I think it is actually starting to make sense - there really is no point, except to enjoy life. Seeing every moment as a moment to savour is the point. Finding joy in the mundane is the point. Finding beauty in fragility is the point. Anything can be the point - just live life.

The last few years of the pandemic were the last years of my 20s. In some ways, I felt a bit robbed. It felt like the world came to a standstill and in some ways, it felt like my 20s were halted then. Technically I should probably be 28 if I minus the pandemic years, cause they don’t count. But I always think back to how unique these pandemic times were. Enforced isolation, masks abound, vaccination centres - who would have thought and foreseen all these things? No one.

The thing is, when I was 18, I thought by 28 I really would have gotten my life together. So when I turned 28, I felt a sense of disappointment and frustration for where I was at in life. But honestly, not hitting any of those age related goals has kinda liberated me from my self-imposed limits. Now I can embrace life as it is for however the fuck it wants to happen. I didn’t get to achieve any of the things I wanted to achieve prior to 30. But that’s ok. Because now I’m free and can finally embrace what life really wants for me.

Hello 30, I’m ready for you. Bring it on.

See ya in Queenstown, 30 year old me.

Holidays

Hell yeh. I’m going on leave soon for Queenstown. I have never been to alpine cold areas so I have been asking people what to wear cause I have no fucking idea. How do you keep your legs warm? Anyway, I bought some merino thermals as recommended by online experts but what do I wear over them? Do I wear normal pants or nylon? I’m so fucking confused. Help. I don’t wanna get hypothermia. But I am so excited because I’m doing something for myself, unapologetically. It feels good to just indulge in what I wanna do.

I guess I am 30 very soon. In less than a week now. It feels so odd because I think the last few months have really changed me. I came into my 29th year determined to come out into the new decade differently, because I felt stagnant and I just needed to overhaul my life. I think I have. Not everything is different circumstantially but the way I see the world has changed so much. Perhaps it’s a recognition that I really did see life so seriously in the past. The Joker really did have a good view of life in a way….hahah but it was just in a dark way.. cause why so serious? When you start living life like you have nothing to lose, you realise you’re actually capable of so much more than what you were willing to attempt. I know that I have absolutely nothing to lose anymore because everything I did lose didn’t actually end up breaking me. You know, when you live through your fears, you realise that the fear wasn’t actually that scary in the first place. You were fearful of the unknown rather than the thing. And when you go through it and come out of it alive, you can see the fear was just a full fabrication of the mind.

I am ready to step into my 30s. I’m excited because I finally feel like the woman I wanna be. The 20s were full of highs and lows, but it was necessary because if I didn’t go through the lows, it would not have catalysed my change. Pain, as much as it fucking sucks, is the best motivator for change. I also feel like I have finally bloomed into the woman I always saw myself as. I feel like I look better, perhaps it’s just how some women don’t grow into their features when they’re young but as they age, their features are more prominent? Yeh that. I don’t feel like I look old but I actually like how I look now. Yes that’s me.

T-6 days until I’m 30. Get excited.

I can see you......

I can see you by Tay is about a work crush. Yep.

I feel very seen because lately my head is filled with thoughts of this guy… who used to work where I work now but doesn’t anymore. Sometimes I get a bit frustrated cause I would wanna move the convo to other topics rather than work memes…. and then sometimes he sends me cute pics and vids of his dog and I do the same. We might be going to Japan together in October… I can feel this tension lol. He hasn’t overtly asked me to come but has told me it would be nice to go together…. I haven’t really told him I’d come but just gestured that I would. LOL. Maybe I should just be gutsy and just be like ok let’s plan this.

Haha fuck, I’m crushing hard. Trouble is I’m not sure where he is coming from but at the same time I’m not being too transparent with him either about where I’m coming from. Eeeeek.

WHAT DOES ONE DO. Please give me some advice universe. Cause he cute.

Odesza

Went to the movies to watch Odesza the last goodbye today. It was epic and reminded me why odesza is one of my favourite bands ever. I got into them in 2017 and that was when they released a moment apart, which to this very day is one of my favourite albums ever. Odesza has this brilliant ability to create joy and euphoria through their music and you can feel the sensation pulse through your veins. I’m literally lost in the music whenever I listen to odesza and I can close my eyes and just feel so much happiness and joy. The movie showed all these couples enjoying their time together dancing at the concert venue and loving the music. You know, I’ve always wanted this with a special someone. Too bad I dated someone in the past who didn’t like my type of music and I had to make him come to coldplay with me and he hated it so much lol…. (But I went to his afl games even tho I didn’t love it… but still went cause he liked it lol… oh the things you do for others when you’re in love) and then there were concerts when I would buy two tickets but they never came :(. Boooo.

Someday I’ll live my dream of going to a concert with someone who just wants to go with me because I love the artist. Hopefully he can wrap his arms around me as we get lost in the music. Hopefully he can feel my joy and my happiness as I listen to the music and feel a pure sense of utter euphoria. I’ve wanted this since I was 15 lol. It’s time for it to come true I reckon.

Gig list

Bloc Party X 3

Interpol X 2

Muse

yeah yeah yeahs

Gypsy and the cat

Foster the people

Tycho

Odesza

Lorde X 2

Lady Gaga

Foals

The Middle East

Jake Bugg

Kygo

Imagine dragons

Stereosonic - calvin Harris and avicii

Ellie Goulding X 2

Coldplay

Broods

The Wombats

Cut Copy X 2

The jezabels

Sigur Ros

Flight facilities

Death cab for cutie

Florence and the machine

Patrick wolf

Phoenix

Powderfinger

MGMT

Illenium

The Killers

Hang the dj

Rewatched it today.

Definitely is my favourite BM episode.

I think it’s my favourite because I like the message - that everything happens for a reason. There are no mistakes, everything is unfolding perfectly as it should. Things that seem bad will actually be turning points in life. This episode always makes me feel better about everything. I know that life is crazy but there must be some reason behind everything.

Elliot

I love my dog. Pretty much everyone who knows me knows how much I love my dog. I just can’t think of life without him. Elliot is really my best friend and I don’t know how we grew into this special bond but having him in my life is one of my biggest blessings.

I love how Elliot snuggles with me every night and every morning. I love how he sleeps behind me as I work from home and how he sometimes just stares at me, like I’m his most favourite thing in the world. I love his wonder for the world. He is so pure - everything about him is genuine. I love his happiness for walks. I love how he communicates with me. But most of all, I love how his capable of pure unconditional love all the time. Having a dog has taught me what it means to truly love.

Elliot brings so much joy and happiness into my life every single day. I am a better person because of him. And I’m writing this whilst he is snuggled in my arms and I just love looking at him whilst he is so relaxed. Life is great with a dog as beautiful and as loyal as he is. I just am so blessed to have him.

I used to wonder why people had such deep relationships with their pets because I never understood it at all. I thought that because the pet couldn’t talk, it must be hard to form a bond. But the bond transcends language. The bond is in feeling and you both feel it. I can honestly hear what Elliot thinks sometimes and I think he knows what I think too. It’s a shared mutual understanding that is sustained without any words. I think that is the most beautiful thing ever. I am so so blessed.

I think back to the day I first met Elliot all the time. I remember his little cute face and I fell in love with just how he was. He had such a small body compared to the other pups but I was just so drawn to him. He brought out all my maternal feelings and I just wanted to hold him and give him love. Elliot was immediately so open with me, giving me his belly to rub. He would also let me pat his back and he just sat there like a very good boy. I think as much as I chose Elliot, he also chose me. He was so comfortable with me from the get go. Perhaps he also felt drawn to me. Anyway, it was meant to be because I think back to that moment again and again and want to relive it because it was the greatest moment I have known in my life.

As you can tell, I really love my dog. Haha. Follow his Instagram @elliot.thecavoodle for more 🐶🐶🐶🐶

I keep dancing on my own.

When you listen to Robyn’s Dancing on my own, there are two ways to interpret it. It can be seen as a song of longing and seeing your lover being with someone else or it can be seen as a deep acceptance of being okay, being on your own. I see it as the latter tonight.

These few days have been a lot of reflection for me. I keep thinking about 2017 when I first met him up in the Gold Coast and all the memories that followed. I have bee looking back at photos that we took together when I was in Wellington and Queenstown. I have been unable to look at them in the past, cause I shoved everything in a hidden folder on my phone because seeing those photos would just make my heart hurt, knowing we were no longer speaking. But since a week or so ago, I have been able to unhide these photos and look at them again. The pain that I felt looking at these photos was replaced with a genuine sense of appreciation of what had happened. I look back at the photos, like they’re a memory, rather than as an event that reminds me of the heartbreak and pain I experienced.

Tonight, I was hit a profound sense of clarity - that you can love someone but not understand them and just accept them completely for it. I don’t understand him, I don’t get him at all. But the love I had for him was real and I’m not gonna shame myself for feeling that. But at the same time, it’s a sense of feeling completely okay with what has happened in the past and it truly feels like history for me now. I was looking at photos of him and I could remember the way his eyes would sparkle when I kissed him but within that, I saw a photo of someone that felt so far away and so long ago. He just feels like a memory, somewhere in my brain. I had been keeping him alive in my mind for such a long time because I couldn’t let it go. I guess tonight, I felt a lot of profound peace. Like I’m just glad it existed and I’m okay, with whatever has happened. It really feels like I’ve neutralised all the emotions I had for him and maybe I have done a lot of work on myself that I really have healed all the hurt parts of myself that needed so much loving.

I think I’m just fascinated with how I just don’t feel the pain anymore and I just genuinely have great memories of being with him. I think of him fondly as opposed to with profound sadness. I think I have truly let go, finally. It took me some time but I’m happy with where I am in life.

I'm healing...

I'm finally breathing
The smoke ain't gone, but it's clearing
I ain't there yet, but I'm healing

When you’re hurt and when you’re blinded by your problems, you can’t really see anything else other than your pain. That was life for me for quite some time, that I couldn’t even be present to the life in front of me because I would rather be anywhere else but here. So I didn’t really notice what was happening in front of me. I didn’t realise it at the time, but I was getting to know someone very well. Honestly, you can get to know someone very well via Teams. And I pretty much spent every day on Teams with this guy - sometimes I would be rolling my eyes when we had to go on another call or have another meeting. But I came to realise that he and I were very alike…. we both wanted to timebox everything so that we can do nothing afterwards. So that made our working relationship very productive, cause we’d just get everything done and it was off to the directors for review. I enjoyed working with him a lot but I also got to know him well as a person. Sometimes we’d talk about different things… I would think he was an idiot and there were other times when I just didn’t want to talk to him anymore - cause I was talking to him tooooo much everyday.

He left the organisation earlier this year. I didn’t understand why I felt really sad about him leaving. I went to his farewell party when he came down from Brissie, and I didn’t understand why I felt a bit awkward seeing him. Maybe it’s cause I found him cute. I think ever since he left, we’ve probably been talking to each other more on instagram. And other than seeing my parents in Brissie, I was quite excited to see him there too. It was just for brunch, but it was nevertheless quite pleasant. I was stupid enough to say no to him for drinks with his colleagues and declined his offer to pick me up from where I was staying….oops. I think that was my defence mechanism kicking in, wanting to do everything on my own and not get close to someone else…even though I wanted to. Anyway, I think all this has come at a point where I have stopped being so consumed in my problems and grown from them, realising that connections came come from wherever… and when you have really healed and worked on yourself, you start seeing things that you couldn’t really see before, that are just right in front of you.

I don’t know where this is going. I’m just gonna enjoy the experience for what it is.

I'm back where I belong.

I’m back where I belong…

I’m thinking that 29 is probably the year where I grew the most into myself. I could say this is the year with the most personal growth for me. When I was 25, I wrote a list of the person I want to be in 5 years time… it was a pretty typical list that had the following:

  • Happy, thriving and comfortable in my own skin

  • Rid of all the anxieties and depression, finding meaning in life

  • In a job that I love and in a career that is rewarding

  • In a relationship or getting married to someone I love

  • Travelling and seeing all the different places

You know what? Yeh, I didn’t get to achieve a lot of these things in my list. Actually far from it but that doesn’t mean I failed. 29 is really a year of growth for me. I keep writing about turning 30, I think I’m actually secretly excited about it because it feels like a new chapter for me. It feels like everything that I worked on is finally falling into place for me. I mean, there are things that are still the same on the outside, but I feel markedly different inside. Like I am feeling a lot more assured and decisive in what I want, I’m not as overthinking what to say and what not to say anymore. I own it. And that’s a good thing for me, because I was always fearful of saying the wrong thing…pretty much overthinking everything and second guessing myself which is one of the worst ways of trusting yourself.

Anyway, last night I realised that heading into my 30s means that I need to actually start actively caring for my body. I’ll be honest, I’ve never been the most consistent in going to the gym, it actually feels like a chore for me. I did fall in love with pilates and barre - where it was my main form of exercise for a year or so, but when the pandemic happened, I stopped it all for I was a bit too afraid of catching COVID…which I did catch eventually, 3 years later, lol. Anyway, I have a reformer at home but I’m not the most compliant with using it either. I stopped my gym membership, thinking that I could just get by with using my reformer and doing mat pilates, but I realised that I wasn’t challenging my muscles with loaded weights, which is exactly what I need if I want muscle tone and definition. I tone extremely easily and pilates wasn’t going to cut it anymore. Last year, for a while, I started a couch to 5K workout for up to say…4 runs and I abandoned it. It was easy to abandon it because we were in a La Nina season and it would rain so much, making running super difficult.

Today, I went for a run. And I enjoyed it. And I fucking hate running? But I used a guided run on the Nike Run Club app, which was surprisingly very effective. The trainer kept emphasising that I needed to run at a very relaxed and comfortable pace… I initially started a bit too fast, so I was out of breath pretty quickly, but I finally understood what he meant to be relaxed and be able to maintain a conversation … so I slowed right down. Then I found myself running the rest of the 10 mins without stopping at all, albeit my pace being super fucking slow. I would have laughed at myself but actually, starting to run is better than not starting at all. And that was how I ran 2kms today, starting and stopping at the start, but then able to run without stopping at the tail end. I was really happy with myself. And I realised that actually, this is enjoyable when you can do it! I surprised myself…. its another of those ‘I can’ts’ that I’m proving wrong to myself. Again, it was because I wasn’t using the right program to help me train and condition myself into running before…and when I adjusted to a program that is designed to ease you into running, it was actually seamless. I’m actually looking forward to my next run - I guess this is how they create consistency in people - when you actually enjoy it. My fitness goals have also certainly changed from wanting to get really defined to just wanting to improve my cardiovascular endurance, be stronger and just be overall healthier. A change in mindset certainly changes everything.

I was wondering where I would go for my 30th birthday. Should I got a restaurant or a bar? Celebrate with friends? I was thinking for a while… Then the other day, I saw that my friend went over to Queenstown for the long weekend… something kinda shifted inside and I felt this spark of inspiration to look at hotels for Queenstown….. and I was initially going to in September but then realised, fuck it, why not go for my birthday? My brother was gonna come but then he backed out, so I think I’m going with my mum around my birthday. Not sure the dates yet, but I should be spending my 30th over there. I didn’t think I was going to plan a trip over to New Zealand again soon because in the past, it still hurt. But I think I’ve moved on from feeling hurt, to more of a sense of happiness of the past but looking forward to the future of experiencing life to its fullest. A fire has been ignited within and I just want to do the things I want to do, without being clouded by fear but with an intense and burning desire to experience life in all its juiciness.

That’s why this post is titled ‘I’m back where I belong’ - it’s cause I am. (And also, its the lyrics from the song I linked.) I feel like I’m exactly where I need to be right now. Sometimes the voice of doubt creeps in every now and then, trying to throw me off. But I listen to my heart more than ever because the feeling it gives me is that I’m meant to be here, right now.

I think I'm ready.

Been listening to a lot of early 2010s pop music. It really was an amazing time for dance ready club anthems - I sound old, but they really don’t make music like that anymore. Pitbull’s music is probably my favourite - love Timber a lot, reminds me of 2013, a really amazing and fun year which I loved. I love how music evolves with you, with songs changing meaning when you listen to it at different times of your life. I wasn’t always into JLo, but Dance Again is on high rotation. I feel like its a bit of a reflection of where I am at in life right now… ‘I want to dance and love and dance again’. After what feels like ages, I feel like I’m ready. Is it a side effect of growing older? I think so. I kinda am starting to like me a lot. I just want to have fun. Go out. And laugh. And not take life too seriously. I took life too seriously when I was in my 20s and I look back at it - with some fondness but I’m glad those days as being a 20 something year old are over. Clearly turning 30 is at the forefront of my mind these days and it is something I am grappling with. I think it’s a sense of shock of realising how fast time flies yet a lot of budding excitement for what the next few years have in store. Perhaps the years of introspection and trying to understand myself have finally culminated into something - that I just want to dance and love again.

I love drums

This is pretty much how I feel about being able to play music now. I feel liberated. Even though I don’t play it that well but wow, I finally feel a part of something.

After 6PM

I most often have no idea what to do after 6pm. I kinda get my life together after 5pm - like have dinner, walk Elliot and shower and do other household things. And then I’m ready for bed by 6pm or a bit later. I’m exaggerating that I am ready for bed by 6pm but there comes a lull where I’m like hm I don’t know what to do now. I don’t want to watch tv or watch a movie. Sometimes it feels like those things are done to fill in the time. I don’t want to read either. So I wonder, what else can I do?

There are ups and downs in life for sure. Sometimes life is quite boring and I have no idea what to do with my time. . . Today was good tho cause I went for a hike with my dog. He really liked it. He’s been sleeping all day since. Guess I really tired him.

Sun. Models.

Have you ever experienced a sensation where you just want to eat a song? I don’t know, I can’t describe that feeling I get when I listen to a song and it is incredibly luscious and delicious, that I just want to actually eat it up. Lol. Maybe that’s why when we see cute things we want to bite them as well.

There are few songs that I just want to eat, this includes Sun Models and Perfect Places. I just LOVE the hell out of these songs. Why is music so amazing? I don’t know but I just really want to go to a rave, concert or something and dance my little heart out.

dance with me.

I wrote something here a couple days back but I deleted it because I wasn’t feeling it anymore but then I guess what I will say is that…. Life is good. I love all of life - from the highs to the lows. There are times when I feel frustrated and sad but I am always reminded about how good life really is.

I bought tickets to go to Hong Kong at the end of the year as part of that Hello Hong Kong promotion where you only pay the airport tax and surcharge. I paid $3K for a round trip last time but now I only paid $500 so that was very much worth it. So I guess I now have an end of year holiday planned that will coincide with my forced leave as the office closes over the holidays. Although I honestly really want to go to either Japan or New York. I’ll have to see if I have enough leave. I did have a look at prices for NYC in September and it’s quite expensive. Staying there is also costly…. so it’s definitely best to go with someone so you can share the costs of a hotel or something.

I’ve bought tickets to see Tourist in Sydney when he’s touring in July. It’s gonna be a good July - so much is happening. Oppenheimer is being released, so is Barbie… all around my birthday, so I guess I’ll be watching that. There’s just so much to do and I am feeling the fullness that is life more and more. This song still manages to lift me up into pure bliss. I just love the instrumental part at the end, because it’s just what dreams are made of. Songs like this make me just want to dance my life away. And when there’s a song like this - you just wanna cry from the sheer emotion of it. It evokes bliss for me and I could be lost in that feeling forever.

There are some days that are very much the same in my life but everyday I am here I am happy about it. I can feel a range of emotions throughout the day but I can now actively zoom out and just be at peace with things. I’m going to be okay and I think that’s what matters the most. That no matter what I always have me by my side and that this little journey of life is not really that lonely after all.