Hell yeh. I’m going on leave soon for Queenstown. I have never been to alpine cold areas so I have been asking people what to wear cause I have no fucking idea. How do you keep your legs warm? Anyway, I bought some merino thermals as recommended by online experts but what do I wear over them? Do I wear normal pants or nylon? I’m so fucking confused. Help. I don’t wanna get hypothermia. But I am so excited because I’m doing something for myself, unapologetically. It feels good to just indulge in what I wanna do.
I guess I am 30 very soon. In less than a week now. It feels so odd because I think the last few months have really changed me. I came into my 29th year determined to come out into the new decade differently, because I felt stagnant and I just needed to overhaul my life. I think I have. Not everything is different circumstantially but the way I see the world has changed so much. Perhaps it’s a recognition that I really did see life so seriously in the past. The Joker really did have a good view of life in a way….hahah but it was just in a dark way.. cause why so serious? When you start living life like you have nothing to lose, you realise you’re actually capable of so much more than what you were willing to attempt. I know that I have absolutely nothing to lose anymore because everything I did lose didn’t actually end up breaking me. You know, when you live through your fears, you realise that the fear wasn’t actually that scary in the first place. You were fearful of the unknown rather than the thing. And when you go through it and come out of it alive, you can see the fear was just a full fabrication of the mind.
I am ready to step into my 30s. I’m excited because I finally feel like the woman I wanna be. The 20s were full of highs and lows, but it was necessary because if I didn’t go through the lows, it would not have catalysed my change. Pain, as much as it fucking sucks, is the best motivator for change. I also feel like I have finally bloomed into the woman I always saw myself as. I feel like I look better, perhaps it’s just how some women don’t grow into their features when they’re young but as they age, their features are more prominent? Yeh that. I don’t feel like I look old but I actually like how I look now. Yes that’s me.
T-6 days until I’m 30. Get excited.