We had so many days of rain and today was a rare day where we got sunshine. It was slightly warmer than usual, 20 degrees and the sun was shining. It felt like the beginning of spring, I could smell it in the air. I usually love the transition months - like September and October, cause we’re finally out of the deep cold that was June and July and into warmer weather and later sunsets. There’s a sense of aliveness after deep hibernation. I was driving home from work and I was just letting thoughts flow in and out of my head. I had this feeling of being ok with the past; like the past didn’t feel like such a heavy weight anymore. I genuinely felt a sense of excitement for the great unknown. I no longer feared it, in fact, it seemed like a blessing. I was thinking about how time is so weird because things that happened 8 years ago felt like yesterday but things from a year ago, like my redundancy, felt like ages ago. Time feels like a spiral - maybe the time is actually felt rather than linear. Who knows. Time is a weird thing. But I got to a point of feeling genuinely calm and looking forward to the unknown, the next chapter. I think this must be a result of facing what I couldn’t put down and facing my pain. And no longer hiding behind the words I wrote. I could never admit I was hurt. Perhaps I bought into the belief that my feelings were wrong. But I was then denying my humanity not acknowledging myself as a person. My feelings are just that, feelings. They’re not wrong nor they are right, they just exist as they are, as part of this experience of being a human being. I just needed to be a human. That’s all I ever needed.

Also, learning Python right now. Can’t believe my lecturer wants me to write Python code WHEN HE DIDNT EVEN TEACH THE CODE. Thank god for GenAI cause if it wasn’t for that I would NOT understand code.