slow is fast and fast is slow.

One of the biggest things I’ve had to learn in my life is that slow is fast and fast is slow.

I’ve always been one who just wanted to rush through everything, because I wanted to get it done. I would just do it the fastest way possible, sometimes I would even just think that by doing it myself and skipping on reading the instructions, that I would save time. Sometimes it would work because I can figure it out on my own, but other times, by not taking the time to orientate myself and reading instructions, I would just actually fuck it up even more.

One thing I tried to rush was myself. I thought ok, I just need to get rid of all my negative beliefs within and things would change. I rushed through it, because for some reason, I thought I was running out of time. Well, you know what happened? I rushed through it, I didn’t take my time. So I kept failing halfway and going two steps forward and three steps back. I felt like I was self-sabotaging myself. How come I couldn’t actually just CHANGE? Oh, I was so frustrated.

But there came a point where I just had to realise that going about this was never going to work, that I needed to stop rushing because I thought I was running out of time. As soon as I was accepting of life as it is and no longer wanting to change it, I felt like I didn’t have to rush anymore. And so I could actually take the time to sit with myself and my feelings. That’s all I have been doing lately - just being kind and compassionate with the Katie who feels sad sometimes, who feels bit weird and sometimes can feel a bit all over the place. And I haven’t even tried to change what I feel, I just allow myself to feel. Maybe actually being kind and compassionate is something you have to do, because after just being there for myself, I have felt the resistant emotions leave my body. I don’t go around in loops with the same icky feelings again and again. I started to wake up clearer. It’s like I have more space to not think about the things that suck because I allowed myself to wallow and be sad and shitty. I started having interests again, like I want to read books on logistics cause DHL is such a cool company in how they optimise logistical transportation across the world, I think that’s so fucking cool.

It’s still in my nature to want to rush. But I am now in such awe of the wisdom that slow is fast and fast is slow. There is such beauty in taking things slow, one step at a time. You want to rush through it, but rushing through it just makes it slow. It’s a beautiful paradox that has changed my perspective profoundly.

So, slow down.